Hi – new, confused and somewhat scared

[Anonymous]

#4200

Hi all,I'm Guzzi (I hate my real name) and I have problems. I've had them for years, I have assessed myself and how I act over and over again and never come up with an answer to my questions. Questions like "Why do I try to be so nice to everyone but never get respect?", "Why am I so obsessed with routine and get so anxious when forced out of it?" and mainly "Why am I so goddamned STUPID?".I did an online Autism Quotient test, and scored 44.Now I feel like I am on the verge of a breakthrough, to finally understand what my issue is. Going back a bit, the problems I have always have suffered are largely social and almost equally stress. When the two combined at high school, I put myself in hospital a few times with stomach illnesses that could never be explained but which I realised later in life were most likely caused by stress.My problem is that I have routines, schedules. I will be an hour early rather than a minute late. Everything I do, I have to allocate blocks of time for and panic if I overrun. Anything, even stupidly small things like heading out on a motorbike ride, has to be planned to an exacting standard, which of course I rarely manage to achieve. I stress myself easily, I get scatterbrained, I think so much I lose my bearings and usually get angry and damage things when I do. I am obsessed with order, putting things into specific places or combinations. I get testy if I see my friend make a cup of coffee in the wrong way (coffee then sugar then milk then water), or if he leaves something in the wrong place.I make friends easily, but always try too hard to please, and simply cannot bear it when someone thinks I am lying, or simply doesnt like me. I am honest to a fault (it sometimes IS a fault), and no matter how much I try I just can't say the right things, and have massive difficulty picking up nuances in speech or catching on to comments. Sometimes, I feel like I am (and I hate the word) mentally retarded... like someone could say something to me and I only understand it 10 minutes later.Doing anything which is out of the ordinary frustrates me. Not that I dont like doing it, but I always get SOMETHING wrong. I know what I am doing but it just doesnt 'click'. Case in point: I was fitting the front forks to a motorbike and managed to first forgot to fit the indicator brackets that MUST go on before the forks are all the way in... then I fitted them and they were on the wrong sides. At times like that I get angry and how stupid I must be. But then I took that AQ test and started reading. I think I may finally have started to understand WHY I am the way I am. Even having a possible name for it has helped me. Of course, being unable to keep secrets, I feel like I need to explain it to everyone I meet and have found that a few others noticed something about me, but didnt really get what. I guess my questions to end this thread are... Am I on the right track? Might I have Aspergers, or something else? Am I really just an imbecile? Thanks for reading.

[Anonymous]

#5575

Hey,no your not am imbecile but sounds like autism tendencies or Apsergers to me. Depending how old you are depends if a diagnosis would help?

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