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Hi Nick I.. I tooi have a 3 yr old who is becoming violent. Its not easily dealt with . We have started using Makkaton sign language, which our daughter loves…. Program Something special is wonderful and introduced us to it. Lily is fast picking it up. We are learning animals right now. The something special D|VD's arre available online. Your wife may benefit from anti depressants if she doesnt mind talking to her dr about this. I find they help wonders ( for your wife not the child ) I know its not ideal, but things are much less upsetting and it helps your ability to cope long term. It may take a while to find your “helpful dose” but its worth it in the end. My thoughts are with you, as autism is very difficult to deal with as we are all aware of I imagine. Our daughteer showed signs from 9 months old, which i didnt recognise til 8 months ago. We managed to get diagnosed quite quickly really. But lily is a beautiful happy little girl and we will continue to teach her as best we can. flash cards are useful you can make your own, using simple pictures of sad face, happy face, picture of his beaker to use when he wants a drink.. pictures of other things like his bed, bath, toilet etc so he can learn to communicate with you ( sorry cant remember if you said he was verbal or not) these things lessen the frustration, and therefore lessen the violence. There are many things that can help… does he have a quiet area,,, we provided lily with an indoor play tent, which she goes to to do private things, or have peaceful times. I hope I have helped, xx big hugs to you and your wife xxx