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Hey John,

I’ve got to echo everybody else: don’t wait. You and your son are in a much better position to sort things out than any expert, in my opinion.

I’ll be blunt: I copy people, seemingly quite uniquely. It’s just a communication device, to establish sameness, that much I have worked out for myself. I copy body language, speech patterns, voice tonality, the lot. But do you know? Nobody ever mentioned it to me? Funny that, eh? Experts are a funny lot, and one must question their motives, sometimes.

Try asking the most obvious questions. Questions like “will you talk to me?”, “will you tell me what the matter is?”, “how are you feeling?”. In fact, start a monologue, if he won’t respond straight away, using the same tonality that you might use with a mate, down the pub. In short, treat him as an equal. I imagine he will be so surprised that he’ll have no choice but to look at you.

Don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t work straight away. First, you’re trying something different, which you have to get used to yourself. Second, he’s had three years’ practise at his current behaviour, and might take a little while to realize that something else is expected of him. If you feel stupid, don’t worry, just imagine how he feels. And trust me, allowing someone to think they’re stupid is the most disempowering thing you can do for them.

Best regards



Originally posted by sftah
my son is 3 and a half and probably over the last 12 months i have realised he was not developing as he should espeically as my younger daughter was speaking and using the potty. He has been referred to a paediatrician and they have acknowledged there is something but seem loathed to do anything at this stage. i am worried about leaving it too long. He doesnt like looking in people's eyes. He doesnt comunicate when he needs the toilet. He doesnt play with his peers. he does say some words but not sentences.

I feel like i dont know what to do next. i want to do my best for him, but obviously am not an expert. weve started him on omega fish oils to see whether that helps.

any advice would be gratefully received.